Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Advice Line is now open

Halterwhip left this comment the other day:

Dear Eliska,

Would you consider adding an advice column aspect to your blog? I think you give good advice that should be shared with all the internets, plus my friend from Nebraska asked me for man advice and I am obviously not good at that, so I would like to refer her to you. Just don't tell her he's a commitment-phobe, hey?

Love HW

Sure, why not? I mean you could get your crappy advice elsewhere, or you could get it here, at The Single Life.

But don't believe Halterwhip when she says she's not good at that. Puh-lease. If anything she needs to learn how to swat them away more effectively. And 2, yes, perhaps in the past the term commitmentphobia was thrown around a bit loosely, but that's what'll happen when your next romance shows up a bit early, i.e. when you'll still reading relationship advice books.

Point is, The Single Life will now be featuring advice posts (contingent upon receiving any requests that is). And I make no claim that it will be useful, but it might serve twin purposes.
  1. You might feel better just getting another opinion.
  2. It will help fulfill my compulsion to tell people what to do.
So send in your questions, people. Type them on up in the old comments here. There are none too big or too small (it's none that would be a problem).


Halterwhip said...

Oh goody. OK, here is my friend's problem.

She started dating this guy, and he's really great blah blah. But he recently returned from the Peace Corps in Jamaica, and still has some emotional attachment to a woman there. My friend thinks she's falling for this guy, but is afraid he's still hung up on Jamaica lady. WHAT SHOULD SHE DO?!?!? (hm maybe his is

Not exactly Dan Savage material, but we're trying. Thanks in advance,


Halterwhip said...

What I meant to say was "maybe he is a committmentphobe. I got distracted by the HTML tags.

The 26th said...

Dear Ms. Smartypants,

My friend writes a blog titled "The Single Life" and apparently enjoys it a lot. But I'm under the impression that she's not that single. On the one hand, I really enjoy the posts and hope she continues writing for the benefit of singles at large but on the other sticky palm I feel she's lying to the world. What should I do? Should I man up? Backhand her and say, "look, this is wrong! What are you doing here in the singles sandbox?"

Yours, the 26th Mysogynistic Dreamer.

the middleman said...

HAHAHAHA!!! I've been wondering this myself for awhile, too.....

halterwhip said...

First, I agree with above comments, and hope that this is addressed next Tuesday.

Second, interesting advice; it is roughly the opposite of the advice I gave her, which was essentially, lay off for a bit.

My reasoning is this: The guy came back from Jamaica recently. He's probably having a hard time readjusting to Nebraska and its quirks and fat white people, and he is undoubtedly nostalgic for the place he's just left. Especially as it gets cold. And of course it always takes time to get over someone. I think pressuring him to decide whether he's interested in furthering a relationship with her is counterproductive while he's still nostalgic for Jamaica, and yes, this other woman.

I say give him a couple of months, spend some time with him if you're enjoying spending time with him, and let him have some time and space to readjust. If he wants to move back to Jamaica he'll decide in a couple months (by the time the depths of winter hits in Nebraska), and if he doesn't, he'll get over it and THEN it'll be time to find out whether he's ready to lay down the chips for my friend.



Eliska said...

Yes, I think that is good advice. I was considering going in that direction with "Shut it down!" but thought it was highly unlikely she would do so. I think "lay off" is good and works too, but only if it's combined with not really spending time with him. It basically covers the anti-advice, which is just keep seeing him and hope for the best.

But I don't think having an honest conversation about where he's at qualifies as pressuring.

And as a preemptive strike, I can call my blog whatever I want! It's my party and so forth.

emotionally stunted said...

bwahhhhhhh!!! to the 26th. i, too, had been thinking the same thing! i think singledom lasted all of about 5 minutes. which is acceptable considering the reality that someone like eliska shouldn't be on the market long. i had just hoped (for her sake as well, not just the blog's) that there would be more dating.

which really sets up the dilemma for her now since if she breaks up with the OOTer, i maintain that i would have a hard time choosing between the two (so much for "anonymous" commenting, my cover is blown...)

and yes, you can call your blog whatever you want, but perhaps as a scientist you should be a little more open to peer-review. heh

and HW wth kinda question is that? more details please!!

VO said...

Dear Eliska,

I know that you are pretty busy this week, what with all the doing-of-the-things-that-would-make-me-blush, but here's the deal:

I decided that I would be really great at the hate-turned-love type of relationship, a la the 1992 blockbuster "The Cutting Edge". You know, cute downhomey guy meets kinda snobby gal, they hate each other but are forced together through some sort of trying circumstance, till finally they see that actually they have loooved each other all along! Smooch smooch yea!

So my question is this--how do I meet somebody to hate?

Yours truly,

The Violent Offender

the middleman said...

Dear Eliska,
I am not sure if this falls into the relationship category, but boy do I need some advice. I have 2 roommates. One of them has just acquired a fuck buddy. Apparently they are both on the same page on this. He just got out of a long term, live together relationship, and apparently she just wants the sex? But here is my problem. I am losing a lot of sleep over it. They come in at 1 am, make lots of noise and wake me up. He sets alarm for 5 am and hits snooze at least 4 times before getting up (I'm not sure how many times it went off, but finally I put in ear plugs). He stomps around the house at 4:45 am on Saturday morning. He enters MY HOUSE without knocking and walks right by me, sitting on the couch without saying hello, and goes straight to her room. He leaves the toilet seat up! He is disgusting and I hate him.

I have talked with said roommate about interrupted sleep problem. She apologized. But then it happens again. Now. She is on a month to month lease, so I could kick her out in 30 days time. But it's finals week, and I have a lot to do. I need my sleep, and I don't need this horrible human being who pays me no respect to be in my house.
Any advice? Should I nicely talk to her again? Should I bitch HIM out next time he is over (but he does slink away at all hours of the early morning)? Should I flat out say this is my house and he can't spend the night during finals week?